“Blind Faith Through the Storm”

Just thought I’d share here a few points about this particular painting, as it means more to me than all the rest.

I had only ever painted while in addiction, so I was ready to give that passion up when this journey started. I had read so many stories over the years talking about the loss in passion and hobbies once you come out of an opiate-related and/or amphetamine addiction (I was severely addicted to both). 

So after 2 back-to-back excruciating & sleepless nights, on the 3rd night, my body - and brain - were completely healed of my addiction over the course of a full 7 hours of sleep. He showed me inexplicable mercy, which I did not deserve - taking all of my physical withdrawals away, including any ounce of cravings.

I woke up that following morning, and even though I could not make sense of it, I knew it was all over. I knew my suffering was mercifully cut short. I cried happy tears nonstop that day, praising Him through it all.

And on the 5th day, I woke up with a fire to paint like I had never experienced before. 

I knew it was from Him. 

Once again, I cried happy tears, praising and thanking Him before going to sit down to paint for the first time - fully sober. I prayed out loud and even joked with Him, saying, “I don’t care if this is the ugliest painting I ever make.” 

Simply because -

It was the mere fact that He was even giving me the passion to paint again, a week out of a cold-turkey quit from my addiction of 7 years, was more than I could have ever asked for.

The fact that I was somehow no longer suffering physically was more than I could have ever asked for.

The fact that I was experiencing true joy and peace for the first time in almost a decade - was more than I could have ever asked for.

At that moment, I knew my first painting, and all of my paintings going forward, would be for Him. I didn’t know many Biblical stories at all up to this point, but one of the popular stories I did know, was when Jesus walked on water.

I knew this would be my first painting. 

Although I had many brand new, blank canvases to choose from to paint on for Him, I felt a strong pull toward a canvas which had already been painted on - which also happened to be the last painting I did while in addiction, painted in December 2023. I was at the highest amount of drugs I had been on when I painted it - and it was intended to be a baby dragon, but came out looking like a baby devil. This was the canvas I knew He wanted me to use. Not the empty, blank canvases - but the unfinished one. The imperfect one.

And out of this came my most cherished painting for Him, and a memory we will have together forever. 

P.S. -

As I learn more about the gospel of Jesus each day, I now know the actual meaning/context behind that story - that not only did Jesus walk on water, but He asked His disciple Peter to step out in faith to meet Him on the water, despite his fears and doubts.

My first painting fully sober, painted over top

My last painting in addiction